Kissing is exciting, passionate, and sensual. It insights something inside you. As the kiss continues, you can feel your heart beating faster and faster. To be honest, it’s just plain hot! What makes the “French” kiss so different than any other kiss? Being married to a French man, I asked. After 22 years of marriage, it was an enlightening conversation. He explained, that French kissing, for most males, is a means to an end. If done right, you’ll get lucky.

When I heard this, I said, “It’s about intimacy?” He continued to explain his philosophy on kissing and as we talked, I realized there was wisdom in his words. Kissing has a purpose. Not all kisses are meant to turn someone on. Some are polite, but the French kiss is considered more foreplay. If it’s so great, then why do most married couples stop French kissing? If it is missing, is it sad or just simply reality? Together, we think we have the answer to why couples stop kissing the French way.

The  5 sad reasons married couples stop French kissing:

1. It takes time

As a young married couple, you have time, but when the children come into the picture, bam! The time is non-existent. Finding the time to talk or show any affection is limited with little ones in the house. Even when a weekend away from the children is planned, activities will revolve more around napping than anything that leads to intimacy. Unlike Carrie Bradshaw in the HBO series Sex and the City, who in one episode panicked because she and Mr. Big were not being intimate every night, for most couples, that is not reality. Life is hectic, and crazy, with competing priorities. Don’t misunderstand, I loved the Carrie character. I, too, have a love of shoes and desserts. The difference is, if I eat cake, I gain weight.

2. It’s not necessary

At the beginning of a relationship, it’s important that both participants know that they are attracted to the other, and both parties want to express their desires through an exchange of physical contact, like the French kiss. As my husband says, “French kissing gets the motor running.” When you’re married, you’ve pledged your eternal love to the other person. You grow to know them better than anyone else and a mere look or simple touch says, “Hey, I am ready to go!” As my Frenchman says, “When you’re married, the French kiss is not necessary.”

3. It requires energy

Good French kissing takes energy. To serve its purpose it must be done correctly and that’s difficult when you’re fatigued. Even as the children grow older, their activities take up a great deal of time. Your careers are in full swing and success typically means more time spent at work. Energy drives our lives. Everything we do depends on the energy we put towards it. In our fast-paced world, French kissing simply takes too much energy.

4. Your affection changes

The longer you’re married, a phenomenon takes place. Affection is not merely shown through kissing or intimacy, it is shown by actions. After a long day at work, my husband will cook and bring my dinner to me while I sleep in my favorite chair. He maintains our home, runs errands, and has changed more diapers than any Papa I know. After 22 years, his acts of kindness towards me are just as appreciated as physical affection. Some may say it’s sad, but I think it is a good thing. As you mature in your relationship, life has a way of preparing you for what lies ahead, and that may not include the French kiss.

5. Your relationship matures

I guess this is a subtle way of saying, “You get old.” As you grow older, life is different. While age brings freedom in some ways, it also brings anxiety in others. Our bodies change and are crippled by diseases we can’t always control. You learn to adapt and find alternate ways to please the other intimately without kissing and even intercourse. While a wonderful tool of arousal, the French kiss can be difficult to perform as you grow older.

When married couples stop kissing, these 5 things happen

Kissing is often regarded as one of the most intimate and affectionate gestures in a romantic relationship. It’s a simple act, yet it holds a great effect in maintaining the connection between partners. When married couples stop kissing, it can signify more than just a shift in physical affection. It can, in fact, indicate underlying issues within the relationship.
Here we list five things that can happen when married couples stop kissing and the potential consequences it can have for their relationship.

Emotional distance grows

One of the first and also the worst consequences of married couples withholding a simple kiss is the widening emotional gap between them. Kissing is not just a physical act but also an expression of love, desire and emotional connection. When couples stop kissing, it’s a clear sign that the emotional intimacy between them is fading. Without this physical act of affection, they might become more distant, leading to misunderstandings, reduced communication and feelings of loneliness.

Kissing also releases oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’ and strengthens the emotional bond between couples, making them feel closer and more connected.

​Reduced intimacy

Kissing is a gateway to other forms of physical intimacy in a romantic relationship. It ignites passion and desire, serving as a prelude to more intimate moments. When married couples stop kissing, it often results in a significant reduction in overall physical intimacy. The lack of kisses can lead to less cuddling, hugging and eventually, lesser sexual activity. This diminished physical connection can have serious consequences for the relationship.
Physical intimacy not only fulfills physical desires but also nurtures a sense of security and satisfaction in the relationship. When couples forego kissing, they might miss out on the spark that leads to deeper emotional and physical connections.

​Reduced communication

Kissing is not only an expression of affection but also a means of communication in a relationship. It conveys emotions, desires and intentions. When couples stop kissing, they may find it increasingly challenging to communicate with each other effectively. Verbal communication is important but so are non-verbal cues and gestures, like kissing.
A lack of physical affection can hinder effective communication between partners. Misunderstandings can easily occur, leading to arguments and disagreements. The absence of kisses can also make it difficult to express and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.

Diminished self-esteem

Kissing is not just a way of expressing affection to a partner; it’s also a source of validation and self-esteem. When couples stop kissing, it can have a detrimental effect on their self-esteem and overall sense of self-worth. Kissing provides a sense of being desired, loved and attractive to one’s partner, which boosts self-confidence.
Without regular kisses, individuals may start to question their desirability and attractiveness. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, which may further hinder the emotional connection between spouses.

​Increased risk of infidelity

When married couples stop kissing, they create an environment for potential infidelity. While not all infidelity arises from a lack of physical affection, it can be a contributing factor. When individuals feel unfulfilled and emotionally distant in their marriage due to the absence of physical affection, they may be more susceptible to seeking that missing intimacy elsewhere.
In many cases, infidelity is not just about physical attraction but also about finding emotional connection and validation. If a partner’s emotional needs are not met within the marriage, they may be tempted to seek it outside the relationship.


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