You want to have sex with a friend and become their fuck buddy. But should you? Read on for the signs your friend wants to take it to the next level and the pros and cons of casual sex and hooking up with someone.
fuck buddy sex with a friend

Seriously, who hasn’t met a friend who’s sexy and all that? And most of us have thought of making them our fuck buddies, right?

It feels so good to be bad. It feels even better to cross that boundary and play dirty, doesn’t it?

Life in the fast lane couldn’t get any faster in these days of fast love and raging hormones.

It’s hard to get over the blues of being single, especially when everyone around is either madly in love or physically in love.

If lovers can do it, why not friends? After all, friends do share everything lovers share, other than physical intimacy, right?

What is a fuck buddy?
A fuck buddy is someone you know as a friend and is physically attractive and physically attracted to you. It doesn’t end there, though; a fuck buddy is one who shares uninhibited physical intimacy with you with no strings attached!

If this is news to you, take those goody-goody glasses off your face and take a good look at the pair gyrating in the club, and try keeping a count on the number of partners that are being swapped in a night, at least on the dance floor!

Fuck buddies have always existed over the years, but until a few decades ago, it was an immoral and hushed affair. Friends have always had sex with friends, but it’s not really something people readily talk about in the open.

But recently, with the boom in 24/7 calls from work and work shifts at hours that run late into the night, the prospect of friends just hoping to have sex with a friend or friends just rubbing the shoulders is passé!

These days, it’s not taboo or unusual to have sex with a friend, after work or at a party. If one-night stands can be morally legal amongst us, why not have sex with a friend? Anyways, they’re here to stay, whether you like it or not. [Read: How to accidentally kiss a friend]

Why do people have sex with friends?
There are a ton of people who think you should only be having sex with people you’re really connected to in an emotional way. So why is it that some people decide to forgo the whole “falling in love first” thing and just get down with a friend?

Well, because they can’t find someone they feel for emotionally, but they still wanna have sex because, well, it feels good! Or maybe it’s because they want to have sex, but only with someone they really trust – which would be a good friend.

Is it a good idea to have sex with your friend?
Now, just because you trust them and care about them more than you would a stranger, that doesn’t mean it’s always a good idea to be sleeping with them. Why? Because having sex often complicates everything.

Signs a friend wants to have sex with you
In order to find a fuck buddy, you first have to know the signs that a friend might want to have sex with you. After all, you don’t want to look foolish if you just assume they do, and then it turns out you were wrong!

1. Body language
Body language will tell you everything you need to know. If your friend touches you in a flirty or potentially sensual way, gazes into your eyes, puts their arm around you, or sits a little too close to you, it’s because they want to.

 

They are trying to send you a signal that they think you’re attractive.

2. Discussions about sex
If you’ve been friends with someone for a while and suddenly the discussion of sex comes up a lot, then there’s a reason. They are probably testing the waters with you to see how you respond and to see if your platonic relationship can turn personal. Even if you have talked about sex with your friend, it might turn a little more explicit.

3. Joking about having sex
Many times when someone is too uncomfortable to be direct about their feelings, they will make jokes about it instead. For example, they might ask you questions like, “You know you want me bad, don’t you?” or “I’m amazing in bed. Too bad you’ll never know first-hand!” or “People probably think we’re sleeping together!” They are throwing hints out, hoping you pick up on them.

4. Compliments
If you notice that your friend is complimenting you a lot, then that is also a great way to get a hint that they want to sleep with you. They might call you hot, say how your clothes compliment your body, or how pretty/handsome you are.

Even if they compliment your personality or something else about you, it’s a good sign.

5. Flirting
Everyone knows that flirting is a precursor to getting sexual. True, sometimes people just flirt for the fun of it with no intentions of becoming romantic. But if the flirting tends to feel like it’s crossing the lines of friendship, it’s probably because it’s being done deliberately.

6. Borderline sexting
Maybe when you are texting each other late at night, your friend tells you that they are horny and frustrated that they don’t have a significant other.

You might reciprocate and say how much you miss having sex. If you get into a lot of sexual talk over text, then they are definitely thinking of sleeping with you.

7. Dressing up more
When you are sexually attracted to someone, you want to look your best so that they look at you as a potential sexual partner. After all, you want them to see you in a different light.

So, if they are putting more effort into their appearance – and mostly just around you – then they are doing it on purpose.

8. Cologne/perfume
This is a big sign that a friend wants to have sex with you. Cologne and perfumes have pheromones in them, which act as an aphrodisiac. Even if they don’t know that, they want you to think they smell good and want to get closer to them.

9. Insults your exes
If you find that your friend is calling your exes idiots for letting you go or insulting any other sexual or romantic partners you had, then that means that their mind is on you – and not just for friendship. They are trying to send you the message that you are hot and that anyone would want to be with you.

10. Doesn’t ask about your crushes or dates
In a normal friendship, the two people can talk about their crushes or the dates they have gone on. But if your friend isn’t interested in hearing about the other people you might like, then it’s because they are jealous and want to keep you for themselves.

If you’ve ever wanted to have sex with a friend but are debating whether or not to, you may want to consider the pros and cons first. A lot of times, skipping a relationship and getting hot and heavy in the sheets may not be the thing you really need in your life.

Pros of fuck buddies
When you’re ambitious and cannot understand the point of thinking about someone else’s feelings and happiness, or if you just don’t want to be held down by another person’s feelings, a fuck buddy is a perfect solution.

You don’t have to keep in touch with this person every day or every week, nor do you have to remember anniversaries or put up with cute little love tantrums.

But you can always call your fuck buddy and go all the way, whenever and wherever you want. This form of non-committal love can be fun if you’re still looking for that hint of long-term love but just don’t want to jump in, especially if you’ve always felt that true love can wait while you explore the different opportunities life has to offer.

And for most people who are afraid of commitment and even more scared of the typical one-night stand, this whole arrangement of fuck buddies is a bit more secure and comforting.

Pros
There are always positives to having sex with friends. But are these pros enough for you to give yourself away to someone in that way? Some might say yes, others will say it’s definitely not worth it.

1. You trust them
This is a no-brainer. Honestly, it’s a little risky hooking up with a stranger that you met on Tinder and allowing them full access to you and your belongings in your home.

The great thing about having sex with friends is that you know them, trust them, and can let your guard down.

2. It’s convenient
You don’t have to go through the process of getting to know them and feeling safe with them. It’s convenient that way. If you simply want someone to have a casual sexual relationship with, you can just make the decision and then go for it. It’s quick, easy, and worry-free.

3. There’s no relationship drama
You know what we’re talking about. There’s no jealousy, no drama. You don’t have to worry about keeping in touch with them or updating them on your day. You get to have all fun of the sex in a relationship without all the issues involved.

4. You’re not afraid to tell them what you want
Having casual sex with a friend can feel a lot more open because of the fact that you’re not afraid of telling them what you like in bed.

With a random person or even someone you’re in a relationship with, there’s always that fear of judgment. With a friend, however, you won’t worry about being judged.

5. There are not the same risks as hooking up with a stranger
You know your friend hasn’t hooked up with a staggering amount of people, and you know they’re STD-free. That, and you don’t have to risk them lying about birth control or any other contraceptive methods because you actually know them.

6. You already get along

If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be friends. This is great because having sex with someone you’re already friends with and get along with is always way more fun than having one night stand with someone you can’t stand.

7. You can practice getting great in bed
This is a really great part about having sex with friends. You can get really, really good at sex, so when the right person does come along, you can wow them with your extensive skills. [Read: The sexiest songs to have sex to]

Cons of fuck buddies
As you can imagine, having sex with friends can definitely open the doors to a bit of trouble. Here are the downsides and risks of having sex with friends. They may dissuade you from going through with it.

Cons
1. You could develop feelings
This is the obvious reason you shouldn’t have sex with friends, and it’s a bad idea. Really, do you want to get emotionally involved with someone who’s just a friend when you don’t even want a relationship? It can cause heartache and emotions that you’re not ready to handle.

2. And they may not be reciprocated
This really hurts. If you start having romantic feelings for someone and they don’t feel the same, it can really make the sex bad and actually hard for you. Plus, you miss out on all the benefits of NOT having feelings for your sex buddy.

3. It could make the friendship awkward
You have to be VERY secure in your friendship because if you’re not, there will be awkwardness in the air once you strip down and get naked with them— especially if the sex with your friend is bad.

If you’re ready for this risk, then go right ahead! If not, veer away from getting into the whole friends-with-benefits situation.

4. You may ruin the friendship
If things go south when you… go south, you’ll put your friendship at risk. Do you think you can still remain friends after your hookup? There’s always the risk of losing a friend when you cross that line and sleep together.

Sometimes it’s not a problem at all, but other times, it could end up causing issues, and you might even lose a really good friend.

Remember that it’s almost impossible to go back to being friends like nothing ever happened if you ever decide to stop being fuck buddies. This is something that you have to consider greatly before making a move if you truly value your friendship.

5. You’ll still crave emotional intimacy
Having sex, even if it’s fun, doesn’t fill the emotional void that most humans crave. We need that closeness with someone in order to feel fully satisfied and happy.

Therefore, if you feel lonely and that’s why you want to have sex with friends, doing so won’t fix that. You can keep having sex with them and be sexually satisfied, but you’ll still crave that emotional connection your no-strings-attached fuck buddy can’t give you.

6. It’s not as satisfying
Sure, it feels good. But one of the best parts about sex is feeling emotionally connected to someone and sharing something really important with someone you care about.

You may be pleased physically, but you’ll find that after a while, you start to feel less and less satisfied until you don’t want to sleep with that friend anymore.

7. Other friends may treat you differently
More than likely, you’re both in the same friend group, and chances are that if your friends find out that the two of you are actually having sex, they’ll start looking at the both of you differently.

They’ll either act awkward around you or even start treating the two of you like a couple – which can be really annoying if you’re only having sex. [Read: How to seduce a man into having sex with you]

What happens when one becomes FWB
You really have to understand that there is no turning back once you make out with your friend. You could lose all the pure and innocent fun and care about nothing other than rolling on a haystack.

And after a while, things can start fizzing out, and eventually, the once-a-week fuck buddy routine can turn into a once-a-month affair.

And before you know it, you could just end up avoiding each other. Down the line, you might regret the fact that you’ve lost someone special because both of you can’t even make eye contact, what with both of your eyes’ focusing on all the other areas all this while.

Or worse, one of you could end up falling in love with the other person. And this can completely ruin the fuck buddy relationship and someone’s emotional life!

So, should you start hooking up and become a fuck buddy?
Simply put, there’s nothing bad about having a fuck buddy or indulging in a one-night stand with a friend, but when you really like someone, give your emotions a second thought and ask yourself if this friend is someone special, and whether you would be willing to jeopardize your friendship for a few minutes of pleasure once in a while.

But then again, if you really like this person, then why not just spend more time with each other to see if there can be more than just a fuck buddy love between the both of you? Maybe it will lead to a closer friendship, maybe even true love.

There’s nothing wrong at all with becoming fuck buddies, as long as both of you know it’s just sex and nothing more. And also, remember that the sex you’ll have should have nothing to do with your friendship and should never affect it.

How to ask your friend to be a fuck buddy
Remember, getting yourself a fuck buddy is very different from getting yourself a loving partner. It just doesn’t work the same way.

You can’t woo someone into sleeping with you or get them drunk in the hope of having sex. It has to happen naturally, over time. And there has to be mutual sexual attraction.

So, there are two ways you can ask your friend to be a fuck buddy – directly or indirectly.

The direct approach
Here are some of the more direct ways you can ask your friend to be a fuck buddy.

1. Ask them via text
If you are texting your friend, you can try to turn the conversation in a sexual direction. Don’t make it personal at first, but then steer your friend to thinking about you in a sexual way. Gradually insert sex into the conversation until you slowly build up to the point where you ask them, “do you want to be fuck buddies?”

2. Ask them post-party
If you were both at a party or bar and drinking, it seems like the easy way to ask directly. It’s not necessarily the best way if you’re both drunk. But as we all know, alcohol lowers people’s inhibitions. So, take your chance when you’re drunk if you want.

3. Slide into their DM
If you don’t want to look them in the face when you ask them to be your fuck buddy, you can just slide into their DM on social media. Just send them a message saying how hot you think they are and tell them you want to have sex with them.

4. In person in the moment
If you’re having a great time hanging out in the moment, you can just come right out and tell your friend that you find them attractive.

Ask them how they feel about you, and then see if they might be down for having sex. It’s best if you’re being flirty or cuddling together with the person you want to have a sexual relationship with when you do it.

5. In person for later

Even if you’re not flirting or being cuddly, you can still ask them if they have ever thought about you in a sexual way. Then, you can ask them if they would ever consider being your fuck buddy someday – not necessarily at that exact moment.

The indirect approach
If you’re shy or don’t know what their response would be, then you can also take the indirect approach.

1. Flirt over text
One of the best ways to get yourself a fuck buddy is by flirting over text and seeing if your hot friend starts reciprocating. We’ve got an entire guide on text flirting, which should help you get yourself an attractive fuck buddy.

2. Flirt in person
Flirting over text can get you there, but nothing beats face-to-face flirting. You have the added bonus of body language to help not only get your attraction and sexual desire for them across but also help you to understand their reaction through their body language.

So, flirt more than usual when you are with them. See how they respond with their body language. If they’re receptive to you, then you will know it.

3. Drop hints
You can compliment their body, talk about how lucky those other people are who got to sleep with them, or drop any other hint you want to throw out there. If they feel the same way, they will definitely pick up on what you are putting down.

4. Joke about it
It’s easier to bring something uncomfortable up when you crack jokes about it. That way, the other person can either pick up on it in a serious way or just pretend like they really think you are joking.

You can say something like, “You would be sooooo lucky to sleep with me!” or “I’m the best lover in the world!”

5. Just go with the flow
If you’re not really into taking the lead, then you should just go with the flow and see where it goes. You can wait for them to initiate a conversation or just see if they start throwing out hints. There is no need for you to take charge if you don’t want to.

Can friends with benefits turn into a romantic relationship?

Movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached can be blamed for making people believe the second you have sex with your friend, you both immediately fall in love.

And we can’t forget classic sitcoms like Friends. Monica and Chandler started out as fuck buddies in London when Ross got married. They thought they would stop sleeping together once they went back to New York. But instead, they fell in love and got married.

So, while it’s not impossible to have a fuck buddy turn into a partner, it doesn’t always happen. And please keep in mind that these movies and TV shows are FICTION, people.

While some individuals may end up getting together with someone who was just a friend after sleeping with them and end up getting married and having kids, that’s just not usually the case.

Do’s and don’ts of fuck buddies to keep the friendship alive

Not everyone has to go down the difficult path when sleeping with a friend. In fact, there are ways to have sex with your friend and have it not affect either of you at all *other than having a great, pleasurable time, of course*.

If you want to sleep with your friend but aren’t sure what boundaries you should be careful of, read this list first. It may come in handy.

Do
When sleeping with a friend, you’ll want to follow these rules on what you should be doing before, during, and after.

1. DO make sure there are no feelings
If you only want to sleep with your friend because you’ve had a secret crush on them for years, then don’t do it. You have to be completely emotionless, other than liking them as a friend. Feelings will only complicate things otherwise.

2. DO make sure you can emotionally handle it
There is a lot that goes into sleeping with a friend. You can’t go bang them if you just got out of a serious relationship with someone else. A lot of your previous feelings about your ex could transfer to them if you’re not emotionally stable. So skip it if you’re in a bad emotional state.

3. DO discuss it BEFORE it happens
If you want to sleep with your friend, talk to them about it first. A good way to do this is just to start by joking about it. “What would happen if we hooked up? That would be so weird, right?” And see what they say.

They could be thinking the exact same way. You never really know. Once both of you decide that you want something casual, set the ground rules, boundaries, and expectations with that friend first before you start having regular sex. Things can get messed up if these rules are not set beforehand.

But just make sure you talk about everything before just diving in.

4. DO tell them the truth about everything
If you’ve had STDs, are not on birth control, and even how you’re feeling before and after hooking up. The only way sleeping with a friend works is if you keep an open and honest line of communication.

5. DO keep it on the down low
Not everyone in the world needs to know that the two of you are hooking up. Especially not everyone else within your friend group. People start talking, and it could make group hangouts really awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.

6. DO use protection of some kind
This person is just your friend, not someone that you actually have feelings for or could see yourself in a relationship with. For this reason, always wear protection. If you get pregnant by your friend, it ruins a lot more than just your friendship.

Don’t
If you plan on getting busy with someone who is just a friend, make sure you follow these rules on what NOT to do if you want to keep things in check.

1. DON’T do it when you’re really drunk
Emotions run extra high when you’re really drunk, and at the same time, you’re not making the best decisions you could be. So, if you want to sleep with a friend, don’t do it when you’re so drunk you can’t think straight.

2. DON’T get jealous when they want to bang someone else
The best thing about sleeping with a friend is that you can sleep with other people, too—since you’re not committed to them. But this means they can do the same thing.

Don’t be a jealous mess if you find out they’re sleeping with someone else. Jealousy means you have more feelings for them than you originally let on. Don’t be that person.

3. DON’T lie about your emotions
It might be tempting to tell someone you don’t have feelings for them so that they’ll sleep with you as friends. But if you lie about how you feel, you’re only going to make things worse. It ends up harder on you.

4. DON’T expect more from them
They are agreeing to be your friend with benefits, not your significant other, your shoulder to cry on, or your confidant. They are there to sleep with you and not to change your relationship in any other way.

That being said, you can’t expect them to do stuff for you just because you’re now sleeping together. Don’t expect them to treat you any differently around the rest of your friends, either.

5. DON’T avoid them in groups

Yes, you’re sleeping together. Yes, you’re going to see them in groups with your other friends. Don’t avoid them for the sake of keeping things on the down low.

If you avoid them, people are going to start wondering what’s up with all of that. In fact, you basically tell everyone something is up with the two of you if you avoid them all the time.

6. DON’T cuddle with them afterward
People should keep it casual when they decide to have sex with their best friend.

Cuddling with someone who is just a friend after having sex is a BAD idea. It might be comfortable, and you might like that kind of affection after having sex with someone. Remember, that’s what a relationship is for—not friends with benefits.

How to get a fuck buddy
In most cases, fuck buddies are just not planned. It just seems to happen by itself.

Unlike love, the characteristic of fuck buddies is that there is no planning, no first impressions, and definitely no heartfelt gifts.

And the rest just seems to happen all by itself.

Of course, there has to be a wee bit of lustful flirting and mutual attraction. Other than that, there’s nothing at all that should be done to start a fuck buddy relationship.

Things to consider before getting a fuck buddy
If you’ve made it this far and think that having a fuck buddy is an awesome idea, here are some final things to consider before you turn your BFF into an FWB situation.

1. Friendships are precious
A true friendship is a precious thing. You shouldn’t even consider playing around with it. Figuring out how to have sex with your friend without it ruining the relationship really comes down to the two of you not being that close in the first place.

The reason? Because when it all becomes messy, you can’t look each other in the eye for a few weeks afterward. And if you two aren’t good friends, it doesn’t matter as much, does it?

Now, please feel free to think this is wrong. It would be great to learn stories of friends who have successfully navigated these murky waters and come out the other side closer and more solid than before.

It would also be great to hear stories of friends who had one great night, only for it to make them both realize their love for one another.

Usually, the morning after is a total awkward-fest.

That’s not to suggest that it’s going to happen to you, but let’s be honest… it’s possible. Sex is complicated enough. What are you going to do if something untoward happens? We can all be as safe as we can be, but accidents happen sometimes.

Do you really want to end up being the parent to a child neither of you planned? Of course, if you choose to do it, be safe – really, really safe. That should go without saying.

2. Consider your future feelings

How will you feel in the future when your friend dates other people? Will it cause you to feel that jealousy we mentioned earlier? Jealousy has a habit of wreaking havoc on relationships and friendships, ruining them and causing an air of darkness. It’s really hard to come back from that.

To a lot of people, friendship is worth far more than a night of passion. If that’s what you really want, choose someone you’re not that close to.

Someone who you’re able to shrug your shoulders and move on from if it doesn’t work out. Understanding how to have sex with your friend is packed with so many potential problems that it’s enough to make your head spin.

Of course, the best-case scenario is that you both feel a little weird afterward. You’ve seen each other naked. Can you look at them again and not have flashbacks of the night you shared, whether it was amazing for all the right reasons or terrible for awkward reasons you’d rather not recall?

You might think we have a total downer on this idea. Friendships are hard enough. When you add nakedness and orgasms into the mix, the whole thing can easily become a situation that makes you cringe at the memory and not something to make you smile.

You’re supposed to be relaxed and happy around your friends. How can you be that if you’re trying your best not to remember that awkward sound one of you made in the middle of it or the embarrassing sex face your friend makes?

There are some things in a friendship you really can’t come back from!

When to stop having sex with your best friend
If you start a fuck buddy relationship, you might wonder if it will go on forever. Well, it usually doesn’t. So, when should you stop having sex with a friend? Here are some situations when you should.

1. One or both of you want to stop
You might be fuck buddies for one night or for one decade. It doesn’t matter how long it is. But what does matter is if one or both of you want the fuck buddy situation to end for one reason or another.

Hopefully, you are both on the same page, but many times, it’s just one person who wants to stop.

2. Only one person is falling in love

It would be great if both of you fell in love with each other and lived happily ever after. But many times, only one person falls in love. And that’s the danger zone. The emotional dynamic of the friendship is one-sided, and the person in love will only get hurt if they don’t stop sleeping together.

3. One or both of you start dating another person
Being fuck buddies is a convenient thing to do when you’re both single and in between relationships. But eventually, one or both of you might want to start dating someone.

And if they do and get into a relationship, then for obvious reasons, you should stop sleeping with your friend and be monogamous and committed to your new partner.

What to do when being fuck buddies doesn’t work
In order for a fuck buddy relationship to work, both people have to be emotionally mature. If one or both of you gets jealous, then negativity will enter the relationship.

Or, if only one of you starts to fall in love with the other one, that is a sticky situation too. How do you recover the friendship if that happens?

Well, as we said, the only way to do it is to be emotionally mature about it. Have an honest conversation and say that you would rather go back to just being friends. Both people should reassure each other that they promise to continue working on the friendship in a platonic manner.

The bottom line is that if fuck buddies don’t work out, then you have two choices. Either put the effort back into being friends or end the friendship altogether. What is best is up to you and your friend. If you’re unsure how to go about the whole situation, you can always consult a relationship expert or a sex therapist who can help you come up with a sound decision.

[Read: Rules for sleeping with friends you should never overlook if you decide to sleep with them]

Hooking up with friends and becoming fuck buddies is just something that happens sometimes. However, that doesn’t mean that having sex with friends is always the best idea. It’s your job to decide what’s best for you.

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