5 Tips to Be a Successful Female Player &I Used To Be A Female ‘Player’ — Here’s What I Learned
For Savvy Women Only
I’ll say it right now: this article is not for anyone looking to be in a committed relationship, or for the lady who is saving herself for marriage. This is for my open-minded ladies who know what they want: FUN.
How do you have the fun you want without the headache of a relationship? How do you keep things drama-free? I have some rules to live by if you want to be successful at playing the game. When you’re done reading, leave some of your own tips in the comments.
Like Hova says, “Ladies is pimps too,” so go on, brush your shoulders off.
Learn how to be a female player with the following tips!
Tip #1: Leave Your Heart at the Door!
It should go without saying: don’t fall in love. You simply will not be a successful player if you leave your heart exposed. Why? Because if you develop feelings for your conquests you will feel guilty every time you are with someone else.
Plus, you will want to come clean, and this won’t end well for you or him. (Imagine the conversation: “I set out to use you for sex, but then you where so good at it that now I think I want a relationship with you.” Ouch.) So how do you leave your heart at the door? Don’t lose sight of your goal: to have the best sexual experience you can. Nothing more, and nothing less.
You don’t have to make every encounter a quickie, but when you cuddle with him after sex remember not to get too personal. You don’t want to wear your heart on your sleeve. Practice a quick, graceful exit from the bedroom. Just give him a few minutes to be sentimental, then politely shoo him away.
Tip #2: Never Do a Virgin
Do you want a huge headache and a full box of voicemails? Then have sex with a guy who’s never had sex before. With all your sexual talent, he will fall for you after one night. Just be up front about your intentions and don’t go for the nice men. Look for the guys who are looking for the same thing.
You don’t want to hurt the nice men out there who seriously want to have a relationship. That’s not being a player; that’s just cold. Don’t let him try to convince you that he’s cool with it and just wants to sleep with you. Believe me, this is so untrue! You put it down real good, and if you give it to him once he’ll come crawling back, trying hope against hope that you’ll change your mind. You don’t need that drama.
Tip #3: Keep Your Phone Off and Delete, Delete, Delete
When you’re with a guy, the worst thing that can happen is your phone going off or you getting sexy text messages from someone else. He’ll find out that you’re playing him, and might not take to kindly to it. If it happens, dump him immediately and move on to the next one. Better to avoid the situation completely when you are with him and keep your phone off. If you must have it on, make sure your old text messages and voicemails are deleted.
Be careful with your contacts! Don’t have anyone’s number saved into your phone as, say, “Booty Call #1.” In fact, don’t save their number into your phone at all. Write down your contact numbers, with a phrase that reminds you whose it is. Worst-case scenario is that a text pops up, and you just say it’s an ex-boyfriend or an old flame. Avoid the situation all together by making it clear to guys that you don’t want their random texts, and that you will contact them when you want to hook up. If he breaks the rules then dump him and move on.
Also, try not to conduct your player business over the Internet. Things like Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace will create a digital trail that can be led back to you. Don’t give exes the opportunity to look you up and contact you whenever they want.
Woman make great players and playahs.
Woman make great players and playahs.
Daniel Monteiro via Unsplash
Tip #4: Always Use Protection
You don’t want to end up pregnant and not know who the child’s father is. And you don’t want to catch any sexually transmitted infections. To prevent these things, use two forms of protection. Be on birth control and have him use a condom. Birth control can fail if you forget to take the pill at a certain time, and if that happen want to be protected by a condom.
Never let a guy talk you into not using a condom by saying things like: it feels better without it, I promise I’m clean, you’re on birth control so why does it matter, etc. Explain directly that you take no chances when it comes to your health. If he keeps giving you static, tell him that you plan to do it so good that he will forget the condom is there. If he still doesn’t bite then tell him to get out. Simple! There will be other men who will give you less fuss and more action.
Tip #5: Never Keep the Same Men Around for Too Long
This is the most important tip, and the one I honestly wish someone had told me before I went around having fun. When you start seeing a new guy, have an expiration date. Don’t see a guy for more than three months! Longer than that, and you will develop feelings for him. Especially if he is super good at giving you what you want. Leave him even more quickly if you are finding it hard not to see him when requested. Or if you’re skipping out seeing your others because he is at the top of your dance card.
This is bad business. If you start having conversations with him after sex about the things you have in common, you’ve gone too far. Cut it off. You have to remember that if a guy has agreed to certain terms, then they are just as much of a player as you are. They just might be better at it. Nothing is greater for a player’s ego than to make another female player fall for him. It doesn’t mean he will stop doing what he does. It just will make you his fool to explore, and give him the power to push new terms. Think threesomes, etc. So update your contacts regularly, and change your number if need be. You don’t want the old ruining the new.
Girls can be players, too.
Girls can be players, too.
Final Words: Moving On and Finding a Relationship
Yes, I’m going to give you some final words like Jerry Springer. People say women can’t be players, but they can if they have the right mindset. You need to turn off the part of you that just wants to be loved and focus on having great sex.
I have to be honest though, this lifestyle does get boring after a while. Once you’re awesome at sex, know what you want sexually, and know how to give it sexually then there’s nothing left to strive for. You may seek more. That’s when it’s time to hang up your pimp hat and leave the past in the past. If you decide you want a relationship, go get one. You don’t have to tell someone you’re serious about your player days unless you want to. If he wants to know where you got your skills in the bed from, just tell him that it’s natural and that you’ve always known what you want.
When you do move on, don’t go looking for a man in the places you met the other guys. People may remember you. Don’t let him meet your friends, even girlfriends, from those days. Keep what happened to yourself until you have settled into marriage. Then, if you want to clear the air tell him and explain why you never told him, and end the conversation with a big “I Love You”
I Used To Be A Female ‘Player’ — Here’s What I Learned
I feel like everyone has a similar image in our head when we say the word “player.” Maybe we can age it up, slick the hair back and add a leather jacket and motorbike when we hit our thirties, but either way, it’s a pretty fixed and uncompromising image when we find ourselves asking: Is he a player? Naturally, I decided to reclaim the pathetic, gendered “player” status for myself by heading out on the town for a few months. The experience definitely taught me a few things…
Everyone is still judging each other. It’s 2021, guys, and it’s coming from all sides. From the obnoxious ex who never got over the fact that you wanted to do more than just sit in their room all day, to the friend from high school who never got over their ‘I’m not like other girls’ phase. Let’s be real, that was always just a front for misplaced judgment about what the ‘other girls’ did with their time. Judgment from other women is disappointing, lewd comments from men who want to ingratiate you as one of the boys are to be expected, and side-eyes from relatives speculatively enquiring into your dating life are about as ever-present as oxygen in our lungs. That said, the same would still occur if I were a celibate nun, let alone actually getting some. Basically, I might as well do what I want and whoever I want.
Clubbing is more fun without the pressure to date.Sometimes we just need to be let loose and dance without having to find The One or wait for our friends to be on the same drunken level as us). Or, having to constantly think about the Uber home and safely restoring friends to their houses. I’ll always be that person to whoever needs me, but let’s not pretend that being the responsible friend all the time is fun. There’s something to be said for going to a club when the only people who need you don’t actually know your name yet. From now on I’ll never be the girl who plays hard to get. You’ll see why!
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You can be whoever you want.As long as you’re safe and your friends know where you are, what’s the harm? Embrace your sexuality without shame or guilt.
I got more confident.This was a natural consequence of just having more chances to practice – dance moves, pick-up lines, sultry looks, and an all manner of audacious mating rituals. I jest, but you get the gist. You can try things out, see what works, what doesn’t, and establish what your boundaries are. It just takes nudging them a little outside of where they were before. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with. You’re more relaxed without feeling the eyes of the world watching your every move. You can strike gold and discover a newfound desire. I certainly did. Even if this just involves a new look or haircut. It’s always fun to reinvent ourselves a little.
The sex got better.It’s all of the things everyone says we should do whenver we have a new sexual partner, but without the threat of anyone actually knowing me or seeing me again. I found it was much easier to assert myself. I could tell partners what I wanted, try new positions, and focus on the pleasure and what felt good for me, rather than being bogged down by the politics and pressures of a relationship. Also, I laughed more during sex than I ever had before, when it had seemed so serious and loaded. When you’re a player, your relationship with sex changes. It’s not a performance for which you will be judged, for which there will be a reckoning if something goes wrong. It is what it is, there are no critics, only equal partners engaged in an experience together. It’s chill, baby.
I got fitter.I think that this was just a logistical reality of the dancing, hijinks, and various walks of shame. My cardio health had never been better. Maybe it was the strut of fame, out at the same time as the morning joggers. Maturity is realizing that you’re just as out of place as they are in those moments on the dusky streets.
I was less stressed.I mean, sex is a great way to unwind. But with fewer feelings involved, I was much less worried about any potential … overlaps or repetitions. When you stop treating sex as something you owe to or must withdraw from another person, it’s easier to prioritize yourself.
The power dynamics changed.When there are fewer gendered and behavioral expectations of opening doors, paying for meals, or dressing up, sex is just about sex. Maybe all those guys in backward caps were on to something after all. Maybe if society were less focused on sex as an instrument of keeping women in place, casual relationships could emerge as an alternative to these hegemonies of master-servant power dynamics. The big problem is of course the risk of gaslighting the individual on the other end. However, as long as all involved understand the nature of the engagement, there’s nothing wrong with casual sex. But we know the world isn’t ready for that situation just yet.
It cost me nothing extra.The money I saved on couples retreats to Big Sur, I spent on drinks at the bars. What’s stopping you from having your hot girl