Why Married Women Should Not Have Male Friends?
Why married women should not have male friends i.e. “Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahin ho sakte” – remember the famous dialogue of “Maine Pyaar Kiya”? We’ve come a long way now, stepped in the modern way of life, broadened our mindsets, and kept our complexes and egos aside. But, there are still some things that remain the same, no matter how much you progress and what you achieve! We have still not got the answer to the year-old question, ”Why married women should not have male friends ?”.But maybe, Prem and Suman proved it partly wrong with the happy union of lovers at the end!
Friendships, no doubt are one of the most valuable relationships in our lifetime – as Sholay ka Jay and Veeru told us! But maybe because, it was Jay and Veeru and not Prem and Suman, that resulted in such a union. Is it? So, is gender the key to the difference in the unions?
But just like friendship, marriage is another important relation in our lives, or even more important. We have often heard our elders saying, “Shaadi ke baad sab kuch change ho jataa hain” – maybe yes. And in that “sab kuch”, friendships are often included. Till it is, girl-to-girl or boy-to-boy friendships, it seems to be fine, but as soon as the “Jay-Veeru” friendship transcends to “Jaya-Veeru”, the curiosity takes place.
It is a habit of human nature, to be curious, always regarding anything that goes against their social upbringing and notations. And, as Indians, we have been brought up in a social culture and values, which speaks to us that keeping male friends, or not limiting a friendship, especially of different or opposite genders, may create a rift in the marital life of the individuals.
There are certain factors that actually predominates your marital life to a certain extent, when affected by your friendship especially, with some of the friendships with your Male friends. There are certain valuable reasons which make up for the fact. They are:
1. Knowing thoroughly is the key!
When you are approaching somebody as a friend, it is not possible that they are also thinking about you in a similar way. You never know, whether or not, the other person is thinking about you in the same way, as you do. This may bring about a lot of problems in your marital life and often, brings about a rift between husband and wife. Will you still give it a try?
2. Are the feelings transparent enough?
In many cases, it has been seen that the other person may hide their feelings from you, in order to carry on the friendship. But ultimately, when the time comes, things may turn up too serious, and may even affect your marital relationship. Because, once a feeling is confessed, it can never be denied, or taken back. It is either needed to be retained or to be disposed of. Now it’s your choice, which one to choose first – bitter or sweet?
3. Do you feel safe with them?
Friendship is such a pure relationship between individuals so, you need to analyze first, whether it is a relationship of sanity from both ends. Do they care about you in the same way as you do? If you feel safe with them no matter, what time of the day it is, what place you are in, what situation you are in, then don’t worry, you’re with your friend.
4. Consider the thoughts for each other!
It has often been seen that the psychology of men and women differs a lot from each other. What you think about him, might be different from what he thinks about you. Also, the outcome you have thought or expect from this friendship might be a point of difference in their minds. Do you think that this rift of mindset may lead to a severe problem that may affect your marriage too?
5. Marriage – a lifetime commitment.
If you’re someone, who devotes too much time to love and friendship, and does too much effort to flourish your friendship than, doing it for your marriage, then is it the right decision? Friendship happens, when two persons feel good talking to each other, or can match up with their compatibility. Unlike friendship, marriage has several other factors too, to support its existence, which needs to be worked out. To make it work, for a whole lifetime, is not a matter of joke after all? It needs effort and time to work on it, devote to it, with obviously a lot of patience.
6. Why are you friends with him?
Do you know, why you’re a friend to him? This is the main reason you need to examine before you answer the question “Why married women should not have male friends?” If your answer deviates or rests on some temporary feelings and benefits, then probably you’re with the wrong person. Or, if you find comfort and compatibility as your answer, then don’t look back. Trust, and comfortably is the root of friendship and, one cannot possibly go wrong here!
7. Make “him” feel worthy of it!
Every female individual, needs some male attention, as psychology says. So, we often indulge in several friendships with our male friends at our workplace or our university or college to fulfill our needs. And, that friendship, often overtakes the limit of friendship. So, when you have a husband as a married woman, let him take the place of your Male friend. If you spend more time with your Male friend, and end up fulfilling your desires from them, your husband may find himself useless and worthless in a relationship. Let your husband satisfy your craving for Male attention. Sit down and have a talk with him, about what you want from him and know, what he wants from you. Because, the key to a successful marriage is friendship, which comes from talking your heart, inside out.
8. Point of view – who matters?
It may have happened most of the time, that what we cannot conclude from a matter, as first person, and second person, the third person does easily. It is because the third person is getting a clear picture of what’s going on between the first person and the second person. Similarly, what you and your friend cannot see, your husband may understand and may predict the depth of your friendship. Maybe you have come too far and too deep with your friends who can get a clear picture of the scenario, in front of your husband’s eye. Even if the prediction is somewhat wrong or short-lived, it may create some issues in your marriage, regarding trust and honesty.
Marriage is such a divine relationship, that it needs a lot of care to support its base and so, is friendship. After all, both are quite heavy lifetime commitments and also not any of these comes easy. There are often several questions that surround our mind, especially as a married woman, when so many questions, from so many people, pose in front of you. So, to answer the question, “Why married women should not have male friends?” how will you justify both relationships?